Wal-Mart Breeding Grounds

Today, I started a render and clicked over to CNN to see what they were passing off as news this time and maybe even catch in what manner Mr. Jackson came to court this morning. Much to my surprise, I found the following headline...

"Lookin' for a cheap date? Try Wal-Mart"

The only thought that could manage to push itself out through my mind was "Dear Lord... please no." Despite my wishes I knew that something such as this was bound to happen, after all as soon as any company manages to find a product or service to provide to the public, Wal-Mart gears up and moves to invade with it's own brand faster and cheaper. All the while their account executives chanting their battle cry "Allways Low Prices, Allways"

We held witness to it as the mega corporation attacked iTunes, netflix, and yes, even used car sales. Now, groups such as EHarmony and YahooMatch have been forced to join the ranks of resitance fighters as they face Wal-Mart. Who else will Wal-Mart best in this battle of products and services? Will hospitols have to boast that you get the first two overnight stays free because Wal-Mart is mysteriously undercutting their rates? Will local electricity companies have to claim that their energy is more pure than Wal-Marts brand of power?

I went over to Cale, our graphics designer and tried to see if he could offer some reason to this insanity, but instead he brought a more horrible truth to light. You see, he realised that Wal-Mart is encourageing it's shoppers to date, hopefully leading to marriage. Marriages as we all know from fith grade sex ed, usually lead to child birth. Surely we can all see what is happening here.

Wal-Mart is building an army, and their very store fronts will serve as breeding grounds... Children will go to school wearing their uniforms, blue vests with yellow smiley faces on the back and the bold words "HOW may I help YOU?." Their curriculum will center around creative product orientation, money tendering, and bag loading stratagies. The adults will raise them by feeding them wal-mart brand food stuffs, genetically engineered to increase math skills and shrewed business deals. They will experience the world around them based on what they purchase from their head quarters.

All becuase a few people had nothing better to do on a friday night other than to go shopping at a Wal-Mart.

Go ahead laugh at me... I was once a Wal-Mart associate.... I know... you'll see.... you will all see....