4/10/2005

Rust colored Water.

Usually when something bad or unwanted happens, a strange implacable sound is heard just mere moments before the event comes crashing into your day with a trumpet fanfare to mess everything up. A lot like the fanfare from that Minesweeper game actually.

Anyways, such an event took place one morning a few days ago.

I was sitting on my bed, checking my e-mail with my laptop, an activity that realy doesn't serve any purpose other than to further my own laziness, when this strange sound slowly began to move through my ceiling. It sounded as if a miniature army was on the move to do battle in some dark corner of the house, and the area above my room was just a waypoint to their final destination.

It was then that I stopped being a dork and realized that roommates bathroom was directly above my bed on the second floor. And the sound that I was hearing was water. This normally wasn't a problem, every time he used the bathroom, I could hear the toilet flush... eloquent no? Anyways, like I said, this was different, this time the sound wasn't isolated to one area, this time, the sound was on the move.

What happened next was like a scene right out of Aliens. I slowly put the laptop on the bed next to me as I got up, carefully watching the ceiling, waiting for what ever was about to happen because at that point, I knew something was up, my only option was to wait for it to happen.

Then it did.

Rust colored water began to flow down from my ceiling fan. Yes, my fan. And it wasn't a simple drip drip drip. Oh no, it was like The Shining all over again. And what do I do?

Stand there in amazement and watch it.

Only after a good amount escaped the confines of my ceiling did I do anything about it, and that mostly consisted of me yelling at my roommate (Steve, and all I knew was that he was somewhere in the house) as I sprinted up the stairs to see what was causing my brand new indoor waterfall. My other roommate (Shawn)saw me bound up from the first floor and asked me what in the hell was going on, and I told him as I ran into Steve's room and start to pound on his bathroom door, yelling for him to turn off the faucet which could be clearly heard running.

Shawn being the man of action that he was, forced the door open so that we could see that Steve was no where to be found, but he apparently left the faucet on, causing the sink to run over and flood his bathroom, thus proceeding to the lowest point, which was the vicinity of my bedroom.

Shawn shut the faucet off as I went back to my bedroom, grabbing a rubber made storage tub along the way and dumping its contents at the base of the steps. This I decided must contain the damage for now. Brilliant plan.

If there ever was a moment in my life where I acted like some pitiful comic book hero, sadly, this was it. For as I ran back into my room I slammed into the bed, pushing it up against the far wall and out of the direct fall line of the water, at the same time I slid the tub in it's place, beneath the ceiling fan, catching the falling Rust Colored Water. I, had saved the day. The world could go on spinning once again.

After the smoke cleared I assessed the damage, one corner of my bed soaked, a comforter and sheets that had to be quickly washed to prevent staining, a soaked area rug along with a pair of jeans, and perhaps the best of all, a ceiling fan/light fixture that emited a strange crackling, popping sound if turned on.

We’re just going to go ahead and leave that off for a while...

4/08/2005

Wal-Mart Breeding Grounds

Today, I started a render and clicked over to CNN to see what they were passing off as news this time and maybe even catch in what manner Mr. Jackson came to court this morning. Much to my surprise, I found the following headline...

"Lookin' for a cheap date? Try Wal-Mart"

The only thought that could manage to push itself out through my mind was "Dear Lord... please no." Despite my wishes I knew that something such as this was bound to happen, after all as soon as any company manages to find a product or service to provide to the public, Wal-Mart gears up and moves to invade with it's own brand faster and cheaper. All the while their account executives chanting their battle cry "Allways Low Prices, Allways"

We held witness to it as the mega corporation attacked iTunes, netflix, and yes, even used car sales. Now, groups such as EHarmony and YahooMatch have been forced to join the ranks of resitance fighters as they face Wal-Mart. Who else will Wal-Mart best in this battle of products and services? Will hospitols have to boast that you get the first two overnight stays free because Wal-Mart is mysteriously undercutting their rates? Will local electricity companies have to claim that their energy is more pure than Wal-Marts brand of power?

I went over to Cale, our graphics designer and tried to see if he could offer some reason to this insanity, but instead he brought a more horrible truth to light. You see, he realised that Wal-Mart is encourageing it's shoppers to date, hopefully leading to marriage. Marriages as we all know from fith grade sex ed, usually lead to child birth. Surely we can all see what is happening here.

Wal-Mart is building an army, and their very store fronts will serve as breeding grounds... Children will go to school wearing their uniforms, blue vests with yellow smiley faces on the back and the bold words "HOW may I help YOU?." Their curriculum will center around creative product orientation, money tendering, and bag loading stratagies. The adults will raise them by feeding them wal-mart brand food stuffs, genetically engineered to increase math skills and shrewed business deals. They will experience the world around them based on what they purchase from their head quarters.

All becuase a few people had nothing better to do on a friday night other than to go shopping at a Wal-Mart.

Go ahead laugh at me... I was once a Wal-Mart associate.... I know... you'll see.... you will all see....